Says the Employed-Me:
"Writing? You have time for writing? How can you possibly have time for writing? You must have forgotten to do something today. Did you remember to send that email? Look, you've got a lot on the go - you're too busy and you're too tired. And besides that, aren't you supposed to be worrying about something? (Check your Blackberry - Ian might have replied to that email by now). If you're not busy, Miss Slacker-butt, I can name at least five urgent things you're supposed to be worrying about - there are the databases, the big announcements you've got to make, there are all the financials you've got to remember - and then - and then - don't forget, you have to work in the office tomorrow with the rest of the team, so you wanna make a good impression! I mean, what're you gonna wear? Have you thought about that? Hm? No, I didn't think so! (Did you check your blackberry yet? Well, check it again! He might have replied by now!) Writing? Psssht. Do it on the weekend! You're too busy panicking!"
Says the Church-Me:
"Writing? You can't write that junk! I mean, what are the people from church going to think about words like that? You go to church and you write about people dying in horrible and near-impossible ways? You kiss your friends with that mouth? Yikes! If only they knew! And anyways, aren't you supposed to be writing a play or something? Or prepping for the prayer meeting? Or singing? I mean - c'mon! You've got the Easter concert coming up, you have like twelve songs to memorize, one of them is a solo - you're supposed to be helping the rest of the choir with their new song...And then on Sunday, you're supposed to get there early to help set up the sound equipment, and with the vocal warm-ups, and don't get me started about missing Bible study - again. Writing? Psssht. Do it after Easter. Summer, maybe. You've done enough procrastinating as it is!"
Says the Crimewriters-of-Canada-Me:
"Writing? Writing? You're helping to host an event in April with some of the biggest flipping authors in Canadian fiction - and you want to take the evening off writing? What the - but you - WRITING? Are you nuts? I mean, there's the poster you've gotta create, there are biographies you've got to confirm, there are book cover jpegs you have to collect, press agents to contact, libraries and book stores and universities you've got to find - NAT Grant is gonna shoot you when she finds out you took the night off writing."
Says the I-Like-Clean-Clothes-Me:
"Writing. Hm. Yes, it's definitely a preferable option to everything else I have to do. I mean, I could write, or...I could wash the dishes, fold the laundry, clean the living room, call the plumber, finish painting the kitchen, start painting the living room, rent a storage unit, re-organize the apartment, clean the office, take the car in to get fixed (repair the cracked front bumper, fill the chips in the windshield, replace the headlights, the highbeams, the turn signals, the muffler, the suspension - again - and get all season tires, replace the serpentine belt, get a much needed paint job, eliminate that weird dead-rat smell from the floor mats, and replace every fluid in the vehicle - except for the oil of course, that can stay, that's all new)...And if I'm bored, there's always balancing the budget, shopping around for a new Apple Mac Pro, calling Mady, chatting with Mike and/or Tobin, putting the screen door back on its frame, clearing the clog in the kitchen sink, calling Sarah, calling my mother, and, of course, sleeping. Writing? I wish!"
Says the This-would-be-so-much-easier-if-I-was-Writing-Full-Time-Me:
"Writing? What, you mean, like, fresh material? Uh...Well first of all, Verna would probably throttle you, for one thing...I mean, whatever happened to Mummer? And Allua? And fixing up Helix: Plague of Ghouls? I mean, yeah, those were some stinkin' awesome ideas for the final volume of Helix, but...what about that proposal for the radio plays? Don't you owe something to both Verna and Moose Enterprise? And sure, you know I want to write something, but...I mean, after all, with all that other stuff going on...Aw ENOUGH ALREADY! Work's done for the day and I can worry for eight solid hours tomorrow. I did extra church stuff Saturday, Sunday and Monday, and I'm all sung out. CWC I can work on tomorrow. Take the night off, wash the dishes, put away the clothes, forget the painting, call the plumber in the morning, stop your whining, create a blog post and go write something, ya big baby! Yeesh!"
Boy, am I glad I don't have kids.
This post proudly dedicated to working writer-moms everywhere...you guys are a true inspiration!