Geek Mythology and other Typos

I'm a geek of the highest order.  That's why I've captured and cataloged my funniest typos over the years.  Some are funnier than others, but every time I rediscover this list, I find a new reason to laugh about them.

Some of these booboos have been caught by my first readers, and they cause me no end of giggles.  The worst ones are those I catch two seconds after I hit the "save" button on a work memo - or worse, immediately after sending a mass email, company-wide.

And now, instead of blushing about my Freudian fingers, I've bundled all my best gaffes together and posted them just for you.  And heck, if you feel so inclined, add a few of your own to the comments section below, so we can all share in the laughs.

 Naming No-Nos

Scott = Scoot

Fatima = Fatiam

Bobby = Booby

Trish = Trash

Pat = Apt, Oat

Familial Flubs

father = fatter, farther, farter

sisters = Sinisters

brothers = Bothers

babysitters = Babyspitters 

my wife = my woof

wedding = weeding
girlfriend = girlfiend

"to put the food in her children's mouths" = "to put the foot in her children's mouths"

"you can borrow one of my husband's..." = "you can borrow one of my husbands"

"marrying his mousy little secretary" = "marrying his mousy little sister"

Wackiness at Work

troubleshooting = troubleshooing

Ops (Operations) Managers = Oops Managers

paystubs = paystupids

Canada Savings Bond = Canada Savings Bong

billing dispute = boiling dispute

eLearning course = eLearning curse

terminated in error = terminated in terror

engage security = enrage security

"I have them here in my desk" = "I shave them here in my desk"

"depending on which company you use" = depending on which company you sue"

Miscellaneous Mumblings

insulated = insulted

Greek Mythology = Geek Mythology

Sling shots = sling shorts

Chapter Thirty = Chapter Thirsty

Dr. Baines (a mad genius) = Dr. Braines

kickboxing = kickboing

power bars = power bras

but = bust

kidnapped = hidnapped

longshoremen = longsoremen

butterflies = butler flips

my plants have exploded = my pants have exploded

sweet and sour = sweat and sour

mood lighting = mood lightning

draft horse = drat horse, daft horse

an English accent = an English accident

student, studio = stupid

sink = dink

captain = cat pain

"who asked" = "whoa skid"

"I accept nothing but cash" = "I accept nothing but ash"

"the great pilot wheel" = "the great pilot whee" 

"You keep looking at my cane" = "you keep looking at my can"

"we must stop them before they reach the shore!" = "we must stop them before they reach the whore!"

"went to the far end of the huge lobby to hide behind some plants = "went to the far end of the hug lobby to hide behind some pants"

"he threw darts at the dartboard" = "he threw drats at the dratboard"

"man, I needed that sleep" = "man, I needed that slap"

"you'll catch your death of cold!" = "you'll catch your death of cod!"

Heavenly Har-Har's

Rabbi = rabbit

"I'm your guardian angel" = "I'm your guardian agent"

Angel = angle, anal (yikes!)

Stands, Standard = Satan

Saints = Stains, Satins

Blessed peace = blessed peas

The Holy Spirit = The Holy Spit

Murderous Missteps

sat = stab

pirate ship = irate hips

exotic dancer = exotic danger 

dual citizenship = duel citizenship

sacrifice = scarface

the immortal emperor = the immoral emperor

she kissed him = she kicked him

kissed his face = kicked his face

fraud squad = fraud squat

bullet = butt

"She thought treats were in order" = "she thought threats were in order"

"after picking the scum off his molars" = "after picking the scum off his morals"

"use this soothing balm" = "use this soothing blam!"

"hoarse whisper" = "horse whipper"

"she took off her hat" = "she took off her head"

Gross Mistakes

beating his chest = eating his chest

space craft = space crap

crept = crapped

autocracy = autocrappy

amateur = amaturd

faces = feces

penning = peeing

nostrils = snotrils

orange juice = organ juice

disappears = diapers

"where he was going to meet..." = "where he was going to pee"

"this is not good" = "this is not goo"

"...mucking up the place with their muddy boots" = "mucking up the place with their muddy butts"

"sneering at her" = "sneezing at her"

Poor, popcorn, popular = poop, poopcorn, poopular

"after a moment the reporter popped on screen" = "after a moment the reporter pooped on screen"

"it's a brown, foul-smelling paste" = "it's a brown, foul-smelling pasta"

Recurring Nightmares

Heel, hello, held, cell = hell

tests = testes

pencil = never you mind

good luck = um...

shirt, spit, shuttle, sunshine, white, night shift, shift bid, shift change, shifting in his chair = oh guess.

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I've shown you mine!  Now go on, share yours.  I totally dare you.  Do keep it clean, though - we've all got pretty good imaginations, and we can fill in the blanks where necessary.